I can no longer write, I can not disclose my secrets, my inner feelings, my thoughts and desires ... The idea is there but how can it happen? How to talk to him without betraying me? Everybody knows me here or almost, I have never tried to hide my identity, if you browse a bit my blog you'll know almost everything about me: my age, my background, my degree, where I work, my hometown, my name, my religion, my beliefs, my disappointments, my heart blows, my rants ... My travels, my reading, my principles, my loneliness, my sensitivity, my faults, my qualities, my secrets, my weariness , ...
I do not know how I got to the point of telling you all my friends, or strangers who read for the first time. I learned over time reveal my feelings, to share with you the most mundane details of my everyday life, my thoughts at the time. But today for the first time I feel I have no choice. I no longer have the luxury of saying what is inside me. This time, I can not share with you my pain, I can only suffer in silence ... M archer in the rain, hiding my face under my umbrella and leave me with memories and melancholy .. This charge related to any feeling of love or friendship, that attachment to one person, the attachment that imprisons us, which we condemn, that is poisoning us. The other day I walked well, the sky was crying and me too. I regretted my loss, that being who has gone without a glance, without a small gesture. I wanted him to death, I loved him, I hated him, I cursed the day he crossed my path, the day I tried to force fate.
I pay for my excess of spontaneity, for the momentum of madness that has taken hold of me a very cold day, to let myself be soothed by dreams of "impossible" to let myself going to delirium short, capricious, untenable .. I had ruined everything by my impatience and my pride, I never expected to yield to it, this mad desire to confess everything. So today I'm just reaping the fruits of my nature girl spoiled, impatient, too honest and spontaneous. For once I was not "wise" for once I pushed my courage to the extreme at the end I harvested a mirage.
I have no real problems in my life thank you God, Mom spoils me as a spoiled little girl. After work, back at home I do nothing except watch TV or doze in front of my pc, tired by the echoes of my country, for what became Facebook this souk, each said time and again. I decided to keep quiet, until proven otherwise. I do not feel like talking, I do not know anything about politics, let alone society. My opinion now I keep to myself, I do not want to deceive me and lead others with me. Anyway anyone really understand what's happening? I do not think he might be insightful. In Anyway, I'm not ashamed to say that today what is happening in my country get tired, get tired and beyond me!
You see how I changed the subject? You think I'm here to talk politics? No I was just beating around the bush. I have told you over the confession, this time I no longer have the luxury to speak freely, then I take the time to rush this note while listening to the familiar tune of my young and happy years of high school, "ode to my family "of the Cranberries, when I did not know anything yet in English. Today I am "ode to my family"? No, or may be so. Mom knows everything about me, but she knows that I still think about him sometimes? I dreamed of him last week and that I woke up it hit me on my nerves? Mom aware that I blame him for having acted as a .. man, who does not understand that nothing impresses! No I will not tell my mother, I must make the proud, the one that has forgotten everything, who have always been terrible and inaccessible, the one that broke hearts in his way and never look back! Undaunted, strong and proud. I will continue to play the game is what I do best: act as if nothing had happened, ignore it, crush it with my obstinate silence. I have said too much, I bet you wonder now, is not it that I almost confessed all end? I who no longer felt able to speak freely? Well that's exactly my problem: I can not close, is why I am condemned to be the incorrigible, the eternal disenchanted !
